Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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