There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
