last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
