My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
