it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
