He kissed a someone with a penis
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
