It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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