She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
