i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
