Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
