she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize