we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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