I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
