Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
