No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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