the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
