I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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