So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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