If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
