I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize