I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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