You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
