Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
