I wanna bring you to show and tell
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
