So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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