i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
