So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
