I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
