Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
