dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
