We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
