I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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