You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
