where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
