the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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