The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
