You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
