do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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