My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
