It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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