it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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