whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize