I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
As shirtless as possible
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
They are going to name an STD after you.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
