If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
