i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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