my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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