put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
