Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
