how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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