Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
