So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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