Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
