You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize