Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
