This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
