i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
