allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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