roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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