Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
