Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
