my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
