Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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