Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize