but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
