The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
