How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
