I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
