i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
false alarm. still invincible.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize