You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My vagina is officially offended.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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