Come see our sink grown plant.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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