Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize